So. Fucking. Amazing.

( Details, yo. Read on if you want. )

Yes, I DO INDEED LIVE for all of you who I usually only kept in touch with on here. To be honest I'm quite surprised how many people kept me on their friend list o_O. I haven't updated this thing in forfreakingever...so I guess I'll sum up my life, to an extent ^^.

( This is getting lenghty o_O )

OK, I LEGALLY cannot tell you what happened today, but to make things short and sweet...trust has dropped in just about everybody. SOMEBODY has been leaking shit out of my LJ, and taking it completely out of context.

So to be short and sweet, my friends list is being dramatically cut down. If you want to still part of it, leave a comment and I might consider readding you. I'm only putting on the people I trust the most.

And that's all...knowing someone I considered a friend has stabbed me in the back makes me feel totally shitty...so fuck you, whoever you are, pray I never run into you with the knowledge you were the one.

EDIT: My online/PF/DT friends...don't worry, most of you are still on. If my friends from PF are spreading info about me...let's just say you're really fucked up, and i know most of you aren't, heh. Mostly all local people...

*wave*

This is it. This is my FINAL ANSWER :O.

I'm going to have to agree with the majority of my friends. I'm just not going to try any longer. This whole situation...it's going nowhere, and all it's doing is causing grief, confusion, angst, and most important of all...depression for me. And when I start getting depressed like this, I know something needs to be done.

It's quite simple. Marcy isn't going to understand anything I say because she refuses to listen. Liz says she doesn't want to deal with it right now. So yeah...it's all going nowhere, and I'm not going to deal with it any longer. I can say I tried at least. Didn't succeed...but tried.

I still have feelings for Liz though. Those aren't going away. If she wants me back, she knows how to get a hold of me. But I'm not going out of my way to get a hold of her. Not worth busting my balls and wracking my nerves over anymore.

So that's that. I should've listened to my friends in the first place. Aye.

And ya know what else? I shoulda done this a while ago...but I'm making this LJ friends only from now on. So if anybody wants in on the sucky life of me and isn't on my friends list, let me know and I'll be sure to add ya.

*waves*

Posted by Nabi...:
Sadly, I can't say anything that would help you in any way except this...Get over it. Girls come and go and if she (and her friend) is causing you trouble, then it sure as hell ain't worth it...It's just love.

I know what you mean Nabi...but this addresses the point that I want to cover...

( But to save space...lj-cut time )

And I think I need to stop rigt now. Aiya -_-;...

Ya know what...fuck it. Fuck it all. No one with the exception of maybe two or three people are even giving a fuck about this whole situation I'm in. People keep questioning if what I'm doing is right for me, or why everything is dramatic, blah blah. Well I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't feel it was right or worth it...and I can't help that it's gotten as bad as it has. I didn't have any control over it after it started. I tried to stop it, but everyone just fuckin ignored me. And people wonder why it got so bad. Cuz no one listens to Jim. Nope nope. Jim's such a horrible person. Worst boyfriend ever. I'm starting to believe it -_-;...

Don't judge me or my situation unless you've been in it before. Which none of you do...so I'm just not even going to bother posting about what's going on with Liz or anything like that, because no one gives a fuck. I'm starting to wonder if even I do, ugh. Starting to think I'm fighting a losing battle no matter what the outcome...

And to add to the frustration...due to my memory card being a piece of shit for some unknown reason, I just lost about...120 hours worth of gameplay in PSO. Went to quit and save a character I was playing...and when it went to save, it said all of my files were corrupted and HAD to be deleted >_>. I tried working around it...but sadly I couldn't. Lost a level 20 RAmar, level 56 HUcaseal, level 81 HUmar, and my kickass level 88 RAmarl. Like I said...easily 120 hours worth of work...right down the fuckin drain. Ugh...

I'm just going to rot in some random corner right now. Like I have anything else better to do -_-;...

*wave*

EDIT: Thanks for the comments Myao and sevenetta...truly do appreacite it, but now I bear some news which...I hope is only temporary:

( News cometh and rantings..., and if your name is Liz, PLEASE READ THIS. )

I've been up since 8 this morning.....thinking non-stop about everything that's been going on in the past few days.

Not only do I hate thinking this much...I hate being up this early, damnit XD. It's 10AM...I'm usually not up for another three hours >_<.

I'll call her in like half an hour...she's usually up by now...

*sigh* I just want everything to work out. Things have gotten totally out of hand, and I'm going to do my best to put a stop to it.

*wave*

EDIT: Welll............that was interesting.

( Ayia... )

Bonus points to anyone who can guess where that line comes from.

Anyways...life has been...depressing lately, with Liz not feeling so good. I know she continually tells me she feels guilty that I have to wait, but no matter how many times I tell her that I don't mind because no one has any control over it, I still don't think she believes me. Haven't seen her in over a week either :\. With any luck though I'll see her tomorrow...not by her choice either. I'm stopping by SV tomorrow, so any of you Valleyites that may read this during the day, keep an eye out for me after the final bell rings ^^.

But other than the Liz factor, I'm doing well. Haven't been working on RM2003 much...haven't been in the mood. Been playing games a lot. Finished off Lufia 2 again, started up FF8 today. I forgot how much I love this game ^^. Actually I haven't XD, I just been really wanting to play it again, so I did today ^^.

Also...*pokes all of you* I haven't had a comment in this LJ for a while o_O. *pokes you all multiple times*.

I'm sorry Alexa...I hope you're not mad at me :\. *points to edited post that we talked about*....

*wave*

Been doing lots and lots of work in the DC RM2003 project. I've actually got a lot done, enough for a demo I'd say ^^. Just gotta figure out why my Zip program doesn't keep stuff zipped in folders...lemme explain.

Say I wanna zip three folders all into one folder. Instead of the zip file containing the three folders with the files underneath the folders, it just totally ignores the folders and throws the actual files within in the zip. It's really weird o_O, and fuckin annoying >_<. I'd post a ZIP of it but I kinda can't right now cuz in order for it to work the folders NEED to be there. *kicks ZIP program*

But that's my life...really. Work tomorrow. Hopefully see Liz someday soon. Haven't really gotten to see her in...well, a week :(. A lot of shit going on in her house apparently that she doesn't want to talk about...and well, if she doesn't want to, I'm not gonna force her. I just wanna see her and hold her and tell her it's gonna be OK...just can't even do that anymore ;__;. *sigh*

And it seems that stuff at PF has been kinda quieted down already. Maybe there is hope...

Aye......long....pointless.........interesting day...aye...

I don't feel like talking about it. Some things that shant be talked about for a while. Things that do not concern the likes of you. Yes you. The one looking at this text. The one who has the shady man standing behind you with a dagger up in the air. Oh wait...he disappeared. Sorry for the disturbance.

I was going to go on for a while with something funny and stupid...but my brain isn't functioning enough for that right now ^^.

I got a bit of work done in RM2003 though. Am turning DC into an RPG, so this outta be fun. Already got a bit of a demo going ^^;. My Zip program is being dumb though, so Fou is gonna post it at PF for me if anyone who is interested in checking it out :).

And with any lucky I'll see my darling Liz tomorrow ^^. I hope so...cuz I miss her ;__;. *sniffles* But I'll live ^^;

*wave*

Well...let's see. I've been a happy little boy now that I've got RM2003 to play with ^^. I've forgotten how time consuming it is...and the new battle system is a bit of a pain to work with...but since I have so much spare time now, I'm turning Deviant Creations into an RM2003 project ^^. Given I won't be able to use the original sprites...I'm still able to play around with the ones they already have ^^.

Soo...yeah...that's life. Called Liz'z and she was out with Marcy. Got a call two hours later from Chick asking if I had seen them o_O. Kinda worried about them...hope everything's OK. Time to go...nothing else to talk about ^^;...

*wave*

Damnit...it's so lonely online with all you damn kids at school now. *sniffle* Oh well...

And a totally boring and useless day passes :D.

And the sad thing is that it's about all that's worth saying.

I feel really...depressed almost. Something is wrong somewhere...but I don't know what -_-;. Stupid gut feelings.

I had a sudden idea...instead of talking about how depressed I feel...I'm going to do something different. I remember seeing Nabi post this a while ago...I'm going to address certain people, but not directly say who they are. Feel free to guess...I won't tell though :P. Would kinda destroy the point ^^.

-We almost never talk anymore...hell, wouldn't surprise me if you don't read this for a long time. I made that promise, I'm gonna keep it...even if it takes 20 years.

-I want to thank you for dealing with me. I've put you through more shit anyone should...but you still stuck it out for me. That means so much to me to have someone who will go to any length to be with me. You are one of the few things that make me happy.

-You really gotta learn how to control your anger. Lashing out on others verbally just because of the past is no excuse. Put your angers and hatreds behind you, and learn to embrace the fact that people can change. Become a new person and see how they accept you now.

-I have this feeling as though you've...changed towards me. You're never around anymore, and I haven't seen you in months. You used to be my brother...I feel as though you're just another face anymore. Was it something I did? I hope she didn't change our friendship...

-You used to lash out at people from a distance, but you've become infinitely better at controlling yourself. You've even begun talking to me on a somewhat regular basis...which is awesome. I hope your happy with your new neighbor.

-Of everyone I know, you've heard the most out of me. No one probably knows more about my life than you do, and you always listened no matter what. I greatly appreciated having you there through both my lives.

-Where are you 90% of the time? You're away more often than not. Learn to show some authority and power, otherwise you'll have people stomp on you all your life. This may be your last chance to prove you can.

-You're either totally immature, or the coolest guy in the world pending on your mood. You're an awesome guy on a whole...but don't let the opposite sex's world get you down. I forsee you living the same four years that I did.

-You are far wise beyond your ears. A fellow man-in-arms you will always be. Keep up that garden, I expect fresh food one of these days.

That's really all I feel like doing right now >_>. Like I said...kinda depressed and lonely right now. I know that after tomorrow I won't get to see Liz as much cuz I can only see her on days of or before I work on weekends. *sigh*...I just miss her...wish I could spend all my time with her anymore -_-;...

*wave*

Spiffier new LJ layout. Was playing around with some of the new defaults and customizing tools...came out pretty nice. I like this new one ^^. Everyone else should check it, some neato new options available.

Well I feel kinda bad about my last entry. Liz said she was pretty mad after she read it o_O. I explained to her that's how I felt...that it had been a long week, and I finally thought I was going to see her, but when I learned I couldn't I was a little pissed. She's one of the few things that make me happy these days. I needed to see her, especially after three nights of nearly no sleep AND work on top of that. But I got to see her today ^^, it was nice. We watched one of the Freddy movies that happened to be on XD. It was fun making fun of it, heh. I just missed her, and she missed me, that's all ;__; ^___^.

So other that that...not much else is going on. A good 10 hours of sleep last night ^^. Sat around mostly, not doing much of anything. Relaxation is always good ^_^. Went to Grandmom's for a birthday party thingy...excitement, let me tell ya -_-;. My grandmom's is the kinda place that you're in there for 5 minutes and your clothes smell like smoke >_<. Oh well, surprisingly my sinuses didn't go like crazy o_O, usually I come out of that place feeling like my sinuses blew up or something, heh.

Nothing else to talk about...yup yup. I love Liz, just thought I'd say that. So...NYA!

*wave*

Hmm...is it me...or is there next to nothing to do on the internet anymore...let alone post about on the forums?

Cuz I used to be able to spend hours upon hours online doing stuff and posting...now i find myself barely online for 30 minutes at a time cuz there's so little to do. It kinda sucks...almost as if I'm losing interest in the net...or maybe it's losing interest in me...who the hell knows.

I'm also a little pissed about something that happened today...for the sake of space, I'll lj-cut it.

( BLARGH )

It feels a bit better to get that out...blargh...

*wave*

Training hath finally be finished. 12-4 shifts suck...I hate having to get up, and the first important thing you do is work. Blah, at least I still have my day ahead of me...somedays I've only been up for a few hours right now, so like it's a huge difference XD

I'm feeling a lot better now too with my meds. A good 11 hours of sleep ^^, would've had more if I didn't have to go. Liz is out right now, so I hope she gets back soon...I really wanna see her ;__;. The phlegm is going away though, like completely...just a bit of a clogged head at times, nothing big ^^.

Tonight I'm sleeping in...three days off in a row. w00t.

*wave*

I will now proceed to kick Crozer.

*kicks Crozer*

I really question the intelligence of people these days. I found out why I haven't gotten a call yet. The doctor called to get my prescription refilled, but they kinda forgot to LEAVE CONTACT INFORMATION. So they had a prescription, but no means of getting a hold of me >_<. Idiots. Good thing I called today, so I got my meds. I MIGHT FREAKIN SLEEP TONIGHT. OH BOY.

That's my life...yup...

*wave*

It boggles my mind how the hell my body is still going right now. I've been up for 61 hours now (had to do a little math there :P). And yet I'm still functioning as if I had a good 10 hour sleep last night o_O. It's creepy. But now my body is feeling sick...aka I've got a load of PHLEM, or however the hell you spell it, in my throat. Yuck. Looks like I'll be taking some Nyquil tonight :O.

So day 3 of work was today. I decided to take the bussing duty, and I scored lucky...they were using paper/styrofoam plates so it was mostly just grab utensils, toss in bucket, throw out trash...with the occasional having to place cups in a rack for the loading dude. This job is gonna be a good keeper for a while, so long as Nate and Reese continue working here. Cuz that way at least one of them will always be working, so I won't be all alone like I was at Chestnut Ridge. I do have one thing to say about this though...with how some of these girls look...daaaaaamn o_o, makes me wonder why they're working at this place when they could be making money...*ahem*...other ways ^_^. I won't name names for the fear of them reading this cuz some do go to SV o_O. Heh. It is also very cool Tony works there...'tis nice that he always came over and talked for a minute when he had free time. My only complaint is the fact there are quite a few black people that are dishwashers. I mean, I don't want to sound racist...but my god they are so loud and annoying sometimes >_<. Cuz one of them will yell and it grabs your attention wether you want it to or not, and it's severaly irratating and annoying like that. Oh well *shrugs*. That's it really, heh.

Sooo...yeah. Liz is at some concert tonight, Aerosmith and a few other bands which I've forgotten the names of already ^^;. Hope she's having a good time out there. Hope I get to see her tomorrow if I get some sleep tonight XD. We shall see ^^. Hope those stupid meds people have it soon. *kicks hospital*

*wave*

OMG, I SLEPT LAST NIGHT...for a whole freakin whopping 3 hours. Which I then proceeded to continue driving myself up the wall with insanity. I swear...if you videotaped me after I woke up from that nap, you'd swear I was a mad man. I was pacing back and forth in my room, constantly laying down and getting back up again (more like a jolt), tossing and turning in my bed, and I kept hitting the little fan with my hand >_<. I fuckin hope that my prescription gets filled soon...I don't think I could handle having to wait the weekend ;_;. *sigh*

Nothing else really going on...managed to survive work yesterday, today might be a different story -_-;. I don't feel too well at this point either. My body is going fuckin ballistic. But I can't miss any training days...it'd really fuck up the schedule cuz you HAVE to train 5 days straight. Nya, please let that script be filled today...pleeeeease ;__;.

*wave*

Does my life ever stop changing? I swear, my life has been more insane in the past week than it has in a loooooooong time XD. Liz was over Marcy's, and basically forced the two of us to talk. I admitted I was being a little immature to that point that it started getting both of us pissed off. She admitted she was wrong to butt in, and that she lashed out because she's been having a lot of family problems (mainly a step-dad who thinks of the gum on his shoe higher than her). There was never a problem to begin with, but due to tension it became a problem for a day, heh. But it's all good now, supposedly. We forgave each other...but I still prefer to have my alone time with Liz. Can ya blame me though with how much has been happening? A nice afternoon of no one but each other will do us well, I'm sure.

But stupid me...forgot to get his medicine refilled before it was about to run out. So I have no meds for my ADHD...which basically means everything in my body ranging from blood pumping, hormones, to thought processes have been kicked into hyperdrive :\. I got NO sleep last night at all. Makes it real fun cuz I've been up since...9:30 AM yesterday. That's 27 hours straight. If I don't sleep tonight I might get near overtaking Dickey's record of staying up the longest, heh.

So I'm gonna go to Liz's later for 1-2 hours, then head to work at 4. Day 2 of training will commence! Which reminds me I never posted about work yesterday. It was nothing difficult in the least. Just really freakin hot back there, especially the plates when they come out. I swear you need freakin heat resistant EVERYTHING to survive those hot plates XD. So four more days of training, then Mitch and I get a few days off to relax XD. I just hope due to my lacking of sleepness I don't freakin pass out in that dishroom tonight...and hopefully it'll tire me out so much I'll fuckin sleep tonight. I certainly hope so...I need it.

*wave*

Well...that was interesting. To bring things up to speed...Marcy and I had an interesting chat last night. She was picking a fight with me and saying that I don't love Liz, and all this shit that I knew wasn't true. She kept throwing punches, and I kept defending myself and my opinions and emotions. I brought her boyfriend into it...but the only reason I did was because she was poking her nose into business that wasn't hers. So I poked mine into business that wasn't mine so she could know what it's like. She didn't like it either, heh. Deserved it if you ask me. It's like Dickey said...it was like tennis, she kept giving me these light serves, and I slammed them back effortlessly.

But as I suspected...Marcy shared the chat with Liz. But it seemed Marcy got something she wasn't expecting. An angry Liz. Angry at HER. Her attempt to make look like a total asshole failed. Liz wasn't happy that Marcy picked a fight with me, but Liz wasn't happy that I fought back, but I explained to her I was just defending myself. Liz didn't like the fact I brought Ron into it, but she sorta saw my point of why I did.

So...ultimately...Liz decided to make it so that Marcy and I are never around each other, basically. She said she wanted to "seperate her world of friends from her world of her boyfriend", but it doesn't have to be that extreme ^^. People like Tina, Jessi, and Jacki I'd love to hang out with again, cuz they were cool...it's just Marcy that's being the problem. I never asked for this to be a problem...Marcy brought this upon us, really.

Yeah, I could've just been quiet and not argued, but I'm not going to be a coward when someone is yelling at me, accusing me of not loving someone. That would be like me telling Nerpin that he doesn't love Mel, or Chris/Conrad that he doesn't love Dani. I think I know my own emotions, thank you, and if you don't believe me when I say I love Liz, well tough...believe what you want. I know what I feel.

And that's the end of this little episode, heh. Gotta run back to the doctor's and get the doc's sig for the physical form, then I grab Mitch...AND WE CAN START TRAINING TODAY. I CAN START MAKING MONEY AGAIN! WOOHOO!

*wave*

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Yea, verily: Who is that, skulking amidst the wasteland! It is Reynard, hands clutching a reflective halberd! He cries vengefully: "I'm going to use you like a hand puppet!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Skulking on the mountains, attacking with a vorpal blade, cometh Hoefdog! And he gives a booming cry: "I'm going to flog you into your own personal hell, then steal your lederhosen!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

So take your pick. Reflective halberd or Vorpal Blade XD. For those who don't know what Vorpal means, that means if I strike hard enough, I can cut right through you ^^.

Ichi - "That one with wisdom"


What would your Japanese name be? (female)
brought to you by Quizilla

Day...sucks...yes...

I love it how people first say they wanna hang out...but I'm not in the mood, and since i do the driving, I'm not about to drive everywhere and still be miserable. So they kinda get pissed that I don't wanna hang out. Next day I finally feel good and want to hang out...but no one's around o_o. I do nothing for two hours, people say they wanna try and hang out again...but when I get online everyone nearly changes their mind >_<. There would've been nothing to do...bah.

That was my evening. I felt the need to update/rant. My sinuses have been really fuckin pissing me off. Sneezing uncontrolably, argh...I hate it. Nose gets all stuffy and runny...damn you Mother Nature. Damn you.

Hopefully I'll get to see Liz a lot (and a lot of Liz :O) tomorrow. Mainly cuz if all goes to plan, I'm gonna be working and training in that dish room with Mitch from Wednesday through Sunday. 5 days straight...that's gonna be fun and exhausting. At least we'll make the first 5 days, right Nate? *coughcough*

Soo...I sense ranting too much...yup, I do.

*wave*

Man...I just spent the past two hours straight on another Photoshop thing for Deviant Creations out of boredom...but it was worth it...but since it is awfully big...

I'll just link to it here, cuz I'm so nice.

Stopped by McDonald's and the playground to chill with Liz and Marcy for a bit...couldn't stay with 'em though...hopefully get to see her in an hour or so ^^...we shall see. But for now I should go.

*wave*

Well that sucked...I was originally hoping to have Liz here all afternoon...just the two of us...but Liz's mom had to go and be a psycho and not let Liz out driving with me. She still refuses to let me drive her o_o. Even her brother and father are questioning why the hell she doens't let me. It's almost funny ^^. But Liz and her mom kinda...got into a little fight. Words and slaps were exchanged...it wasn't necessarily pretty. So instead Liz and I ended up walking out to Burger King...stopped by Coeburn playground for a little bit to pass the time. There was something in the air tonight...I couldn't let go of her...nor her to me ^^. It was nice.

We got back at like...5:45 after leaving a little before 4. We thought we were late...her mom asked "Back already?" XD. We could've been out until like 8 for all she cared it seems. But whatever...we relaxed...we danced XD...and I also told her a lot about my old fic that I still need to finish, and about Cataclysm too. She wants to read both ^^. Heh...soon enough she shall.

So yeah...that was my day. Kinda got ruined at first...but turned out pretty damn fine for me by the end :). So no real complaints. Byes!

*wave*

Latest creation.


So...life...really really nasty sinus headache last night. Made me VERY irritable...sorry for anyone who might've had to deal with that side of me last night ^^;.

Today! w00t! Liz is coming over! Yes! Liz is coming over! *dance* Her mom said she can come over later for something like dinner and a movie ^_^. Happy! Dance! OK, I'm annoying myself now XD. *calms down*

But I still have to wait a bit ^^, but it'll be worth it. So yeah...that's my life. Yup yup.

EDIT: OMG NEW ICON.

*wave*

I got bored and took a bunch of random quizzes that seemed interesting.

( Here they are )

Haven't really done much of anything today. Went to Lima to tell George I didn't get the sig...and well, Dave is the only one who knows where the paperwork is, and he's out on vacation until Tuesday, so it kinda works out to my favor anyway, heh. That's really about it...just been kinda sitting around otherwise...

*wave*

^_____^, I'm haaaappy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine...in a bag.

OK, took that a bit too far, heh. After talking it out with Liz...we agreed we were just missing each other a lot. It was only two weeks, but it was still hard *whimpers*. We did agree on an open relationship though. Like I said to her, it's not I expect we'll find someone that might interest us more than each other...but it's better and safer to keep that option open, and we can be more relaxed around everyone and each other this way ^^. I'm just happy she took my offer..^_^.

:D <- See? That's me smiling ^^;

So yeah...stupid doctor's really fucked things up. My mom never got my files copied and sent to my new doctor's office, so I ended up having to run back and forth between these offices sending messages and checking things...but what ultimately happened is for some reason I haven't had a physical since 1999 o_O, so my pediatrician refused to sign the paper, and since I obviously have never seen my new doctors they can't sign it, but they scheduled me a physical appointment this upcoming Wednesday, which is pretty damn soon for these kinda offices. So yeah...that's life.

*wave*